Fame.

Have you ever thought of fame? Don't you ever want fame? I do. Cmon, don't be naive and say you never wanted to be that popular girl/guy at school. I even started this blog thinking of fame. See, I'm telling the truth. I started this blog way back when I was still studying in China. But I didn't have the time to really blog at that time. But I started to read other blogs. My favourite one is XiaXue's. I envy her. She can just blog and she get money. Well, she's talented that's why. But i thought, I can be like her, I love writing and I want to express myself in my blog. I started out my blog being so fake so that people like me. Not only on the internet, I live my life satisfying other people. But now I realize something, the more I be me, the more I love myself, and when I love myself people will lookup to me. Back to the topic. Yeah. Since I was a kid, I wanted to be the most liked one by the teachers, so I came to school the earliest. I wanted to be the most popular among my friends, I wanted to have the most friends. But I ended up not having anyone in school. I was a loser. Nobody liked me. I was that stupid girl who eats alone at lunch. I didn't finish my highschool. I back away and went to China. I always wanted to be a model, a singer or an actress. Yeah, I love attention that much. But too bad, I'm too fat to be a model or actress and my voice isn't good enough to be one. I failed at everything in my life and didn't get anything I wanted. My life was a roller coaster ride. I went back to Jakarta, and nobody looked for me. I could just see photos on facebook without me on it, and I'm starting to fade away from all of them. I wad lonely. Nobody was there. I was 14 when I started my university. I realized I was different. I couldn't be friends with someone my age or even 2 years older than me.i was too mature and adult like. I had close friends in uni, we were good friends at first. They were all 2 years older than me. But they started hating me, backing away, and left me alone. I was alone on my birthday, I asked what's wrong they didn't tell me anything. On my birthday when nobody said a happybday wish to me, I went to the toilet and cried alone. My only friend were my followers in twitter, that's the only place I could pour my heart out. I kept on crying and continuously tweeting. Then they called me. I was so afraid and embarassed. I didn't want them to see me cry. So we went to one of that girl's car. They said to not tweet about it anymore and that I shouldn't, because it's making them look bad and a lot of people would be pity to me and angry with them. Yeah, that was my 15th birthday. I went home and cried. I didn't have a friend. Then it passed by. I had some older friends. Hanged out with them. But they are a lot older, and you don't know how hard it is to be in this age and rushing to uni. Whenever we hangout it's late. My mom and dad scold me for being home late and wouldn't even let me go out late. So how could I hangout with them? When i'm in a community of people who are adults and me who is just a kid to my parents? Everytime they asked me out, I wanted to come along. I don't want to miss those talks, news and gossips. But I couldn't be selfish and tell them to start at 5 and finish at 9 or 10 right? So I just accepted it. Everything was bad. Nobody supported me. Nobody understands me. But what could I do? I'm just that girl who loves herself so much and take pictures of herself. I was once not confident at all. But after all that I've been through. I learned that everything was not their mistake. It's all me. There should definitely be something wrong with me. I was such a loser, and all I could see in the mirror was that person with all that flaws. But now I don't. I learned from my mistakes. Trying to satisfy other people, when all I need to do is be satisfied with what I want cause this is me. Not them. Now, I'm fully confident now. Fame blinded me. But now, I'm famous for being me. I'm the best of me. I love my self so much. I'm vain. I'm in love with myself. And nobody could take me down.